Maneuvering through contradictions

Maneuvering through contradictions

A quote often attributed to Mahatma Gandhi – “Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever”

This seeming contradiction is what I want explore here. Will I die tomorrow or live forever?

Should I hold on or let go? Should I drown in your memories or build the castles for the future?

Time

I feel life is synonymous with time. Time has primarily 3 components: Past, Present and Future (Kal Aaj Aur Kal). Which part of this Trikala (3 dimensions of time) you spend most of your life in, says a lot about you as a person and your experience of life.

Are you caught up in the past?

If majority of your time is spent reliving your past memories, then you are not fully alive experiencing the flow of life. Like Devdas thinking about Paro, or most recently Manu’s life stuck in a cassette thinking about Priya in Sapta Sagaradache Ello (A recent Kannada film). Whether you have lost a loved one, or if your best life has gone past you, how can you move on from there and embrace the past and look forward to the future?

Are you always thinking about the future?

If your past or present is miserable, then you are continuously planning and hoping for a better tomorrow. In Viktor Frankl’s book, ‘Man’s search for Meaning’, the only way for Viktor (who is in the concentration camp), to bear his horrendous situation is to consistently project himself into the future. How can a man experiencing torture ever enjoy the ‘present moment’?

This contradiction cuts through every aspect of our life.

·        Is it better to spend excess money (live today) or save (for the future)?

·        Feel gratitude for what you have or feel envy for what you don’t?

·        Cup is half empty or half full (pessimist or optimist)?

If you knew you had only a couple of months left to live, would you do what you are doing now or will your choices change dramatically?

Are you really in control?

The most amusing and annoying thing about life is that – ‘we don’t know’. We don’t know what will happen. We don’t know the results of our actions. We don’t know if our choices will yield the desired outcomes.

But that is how the game is. We are all shooting in the dark. We believe that we have everything under control. The illusion of control is one of the biggest fallacies of humankind.

While I am pondering, is there a way out of this? Is there a solution to the seeming contradictions of our life situations?

Faith or Reason?

Some people use faith, that there is a greater power who is governing the universe and will always want the best for us. So, surrender to God, the Almighty might be the answer.

Some others use reasoning, that it is better to solve existing problems than spending time fighting the demons of your mind, which are mostly imaginary.

 Is there a solution?

Whether you are a man of faith or reason or both, acceptance is key. Acceptance is both an antidote and cure for healing. Acceptance of life as it warrants us to be.

Embracing uncertainty, relinquishing the illusion of control and accepting life situations as they are will probably be the best way for us to maneuver life’s seeming contradictions. 

A cocktail of humour and wisdom

 

Based on your affinity to socialize, interact and move towards or away from people, our personalities are categorized as either introverted or extroverted. There is also an ambivert who is a combination of introversion and extroversion. These are broader categories and most people have different degrees of these qualities that are hard to measure or classify.

My childhood was a classic case of introversion. I had few friends, very sensitive, awkward around a lot of people, had stage fright and very conscious. But in my later teens and early adulthood and until now, it is the reverse case. I became more and more uninhibited, extremely comfortable around people, the more the merrier and no stage fright.

But because I have been through the either extreme, I am able to relate to most people who are on either side of the spectrum.

Since childhood, I have been a deep thinker, always had a philosophical bent of mind, questioning things around me and seeking answers to our existence and the meaning of it all. Most people I interacted with in my early childhood on such deep topics found it bizarre and found these discussions weird.

As I grew older, my need for people grew and I knew that I could not afford to repel them with my deep conversations. So, I developed a sense of humour, making fun of myself and of others, and of situations around us. Two very easy ways by which you can get more people to like you: make them laugh and just listen to them (non-judgmentally if you can)

Now, a slight diversion from me to Tamil cinema (some references to Tamil pop culture). I grew up watching a lot of Tamil and Hindi films (thanks to my father). Tamil films always had a comedy segment and the popular Tamil comedians were probably as popular as the star heroes. While I was growing up – the era of Goundamani-Senthil (the legendary comedy duo) was waning and the new comedy stars were emerging in the form of Vivek and Vadivelu.

While Vadivelu is hilariously funny and one of the icons of Tamil cinema, I was drawn to Vivek and his style of humour. What made Vivek different from his predecessors and contemporaries is that Vivek tackled social issues and stigmas through satirical comedies in his movies.

He had a unique ability to address social issues with humour. In his varied films, he has spoken about untouchability, right to education, caste-ism, medical malpractices, superstition and many more. He was a popular comedian and he used his mass appeal and social consciousness to spread positive message to the masses.

 

Coming back to me, while I continue to enjoy the company of people and a lot of crass humour, the other side of me continues to be nurtured through reading, writing and having deeper conversations with people who understand and appreciate that side of me (my wife, mother and a few close friends and relatives)

Just dispelling the notion that extroverts only have frivolous talks and are not capable of depth and that introverts are not fun. I think each of us have a side to us which is not always visible to the external world but we continue to nurture them in our own ways.

If I have to define myself, would I be person seeking wisdom or having fun? I think, I want both. A cocktail. Just like Vivek, my favorite comedian who is no more (died in 2021)

This blog is a small little tribute to Vivek who: sirikka vechar (made us laugh) and sindikka vechar (made us think).